Junior High Deja Vue

I just had a conversation in the hallway with one of our discipline managers. I had just come out of our weekly business development meeting, and he asked how it had gone. In a flippant mood, I answered that, "It had gone just like it always did. Business development meetings reminded me of bathroom conversations in Junior High."

He looked at me strangely, as you might imagine, and I am sure went back to his office and worried about the management of the company that he worked for. I hope he is not dusting off his resume. But I can't help it. I have been involved in the sales of engineering work for getting close to 30 years now. And it just fits. I can't help thinking about it in those terms because it fits so well.

The language is almost identical, with phrases such as "Do they like us? What do they think of us? Did we make them mad? How do we get them to like us?", being used all the time. The situation is similar as well. Our clients and ourselves are very similar, yet very different. We need each other but don't understand each other. Generally our meetings with each other are marked by emotional awkwardness and a certain tension.

We went to the same schools, to outward appearance we do the same work and are in the same industry, but we have become different from each other. We really don't understand what is important to each other in our business lives. Our distrust and fear of vulnerability to the other prevent us from virtually ever discussing or talking about the real issues that impact us.

The fact that we are technical people working in business compels us to think about our relationship in strictly objective measures. But who among you on the client side really believe that selecting an engineering service company can be done on a spreadsheet? Who among you on the engineering service side have found your best clients to be those with the highest profit margins?

A successful client/engineering contractor relationship is a powerful force that can accomplish great things. But that relationship is built upon what any other relationship is built on, i.e. trust, shared goals, openness, integrity, a willingness to believe in the righteousness of the other. Relationships don't happen overnight. They happen slowly over time, because relationships only happen when we make ourselves vulnerable to the other party. Being vulnerable takes time because we can get hurt when we are vulnerable. Client careers can be damaged. Engineering service companies can be put out of business.

And that is why business development is like junior high. In junior high, we begin to learn, as people, how to be vulnerable to each other.